Jeffrey "OneShot" Wong



Just Won't Die Spinoff 6



     "Hey, I like this email stuff," Ranma said as he sat in front of 
his computer. It was the weekend and everyone was gathered at his house 
after their usual weekly dinner together. While everyong had sat down to 
relax in the living room, Ranma had sat in the corner of the room where 
the computer was. 
  Akane had bought a computer for the three children, believing it would 
help them with their school work now that she and Ranma were kind of 
like their guardians. 
  Although the computer was for the children, Ranma seemed to had taken 
quite a fancy to it.
  "Email's been around for god know's how long, at least half a 
century," Sylia commented.
  "Hey, I had been too busy saving the world," Ranma smirked, his back 
toward the group. "But this is really cool. I like the thought of being 
able to get mail instantaneously from anyone around the world,"
  Nene peered over Ranma's shoulder and at the monitor. As if she 
weren't already in love with him, the thought of him taking a shining 
toward computer, something she was partiularly fond of, made her find 
Ranma all the more irresitable.
  Ranma was quite inept at using the computer, but he was able to grasp 
the basic fuctions of turning it out and opening a particular program so 
he could check his email. Of course, Asuka pretty much ripped out 
several fistfuls of hair out of frustration trying to teach Ranma how to 
go about doing something so simple. 
  "Hey, I have mail," Ranma said, smiling. He had only learned to use 
email two days ago. "Hey look, my first message is from a 
'SStingray@SilkyDoll.com', hey, Sylia, isn't this your email address? 
How come I'm getting mail from you right now when you're here?"
  "Because you probably haven't checked your mail the other day so it 
had been sitting in your mailbox until you retreived it, that's all," 
Sylia said, smiling.
  "Oh," he said, "Well, then that means this must be yer reply to that 
message I sent ya,"
  "Yep. You're learning fast. Pretty soon, you'll be more efficient than 
Nene here," Sylia joked. Oddly enough, in about a month, he probably 
would. He was that bright.
  "Hey," Nene said. 
  Everyone laughed.
  "Oh yeah, speaking of which the net, I put your profile on the 
internet," Asuka said, turning around on the sofa to face Ranma's back, 
"Of course, it's not much. All I did was cut and paste what you wrote 
about yourself and added in that jpg picture of you that I scanned in,"
  "'Cut and paste'?" Ranma asked, turning to face Asuka, his eyes 
catching hers. "Scanned? Jpg?"
  Asuka quickly turned around to face the television, this slight flush 
on her cheeks. Why was he having this effect on her? She didn't even 
like him.
  "Don't worry about it, Ranma," Shinji said, "In a short while, you'll 
understand everything,"
  "All right, whatever ya say," he turned back toward the monitor.
  "Jeez, look how many messages ya got!" Nene's eyes widened. The 
computer had retrieved around twenty five messages already.
  "Probably SPAM," Asuka commented. She had a school internet account 
and had never gotten that many messages before. 
  "SPAM?" Ranma asked.
  "Computer jargon," Nene answered him, "After a while, you'll know what 
stuff like Terabytes, Dual SCSI, and other words and acronyms,"
  "Hey, I only learned how to check email two days ago, and all this 
stuff's already given me headaches," Ranma commented, "All I'm 
interested is this email that people rant and rave about. 'Email me.' or 
'Send it via Email', so that's why I figured it was best to learn this 
stuff,"
  "Goddam, you have seventy five messages!" Nene's eyes widened, "How in 
the world do you get seventy five messages in two days! I don't even get 
that much in a week, and that includes my department sending emailing me 
documents!"
  Sylia and the others were now gathered up in front of the computer.  
  "Is that a lot?" Ranma asked innocently. He had no idea.
  "Yes!" the girls seemed to say at once.
  "'Hi', 'Hello', 'Would you like to meet?', 'Hi', 'Hello there'," Nene 
said, reading off five random email messages. "Ranma, open one of the 
messages,"
  It took Ranma about a minute before he actually did. Although the 
girls could had easily had told him, they seemed to actually get this 
warm feeling when they saw Ranma using the computer clumsily.
  When the message opened, everyone read it.
  "That's bullshit!" Priss said, almost getting angry.
  "What?" Ranma asked.
  "Why the hell would this 'Jenifr@Tokyo.net' wanna meetcha?!" she 
replied. "'Hi, I accidentally stumbled upon your webpage and was very 
interested in what I read. Perhaps we can meet. Please email me back.' 
God, that's so damn corny!" She couldn't help but feel angry that here 
she was, reading about this total stranger trying to meet up with her 
precious Ranma. "You're not serious, are you, Ranma? You're not going to 
go meet her. Right?" 
  She, like the other girls, secretly hoped for the right answer.
  "Why not?" he asked, much the the girls' disappointment.
  "Why the hell did she send a picture of herself via email?!" Linna 
said. The tiny picture showed of a beautiful girl that looked roughly 
the same age as her if not younger. She found herself a bit jealous.
  "Should I reply?" Ranma asked.
  "No!" all the girls said emphatically.
  "Why not?"
  There was silence.
  "Let's see the other messages," Nene said, quickly changing the 
subject. She assumed that Ranma didn't find it all that amusing that 
they said they didn't want to share him with anyone else.
  After about ten minutes of skimming over messages, one thing was 
clear. Not a single message was considered SPAM. Every single message 
was from people that seemed to have female addresses, and seemed to say 
the same thing, say that they had saw his webpage and wanted to meet 
him.
  "What the hell did you write about Ranma?" Sylia whispered to Asuka.
  "Nothing," she whispered back, "All I did was cut and paste what he 
had wrote about himself, that's all. I skimmed over it. There was 
nothing written that would indicate that he was single...." For some 
reason, she blushed slightly when she said the word 'single'.
  "Ranma, can I see a picture of you that Asuka had put on your profile 
webpage?" Sylia asked.
  Ranma reached into one of the draws of the computer desk and took out 
a picture. The picture was a simple photo of Ranma smiling. It made him 
look devestatingly handsome.
  "Bingo!" Sylia said.
  "Bingo?" Ranma asked, as if Syla had solved some mystery that he had 
no idea about.
  Sylia blushed. "N-nothing. It's nothing," She looked at the picture a 
bit more. She wondered if Ranma would notice if she kept the picture. 
Wait! What was she thinking!? She wasn't some high school girl! She was 
an adult!
  She blushed again as she realized the picture had been about to slip 
the picture into her pocket. She handed the picture to the nearest 
person, Nene. When Nene looked at the picture, she almost gasped. The 
photo was quite magnificent and seemed to have almost captured Ranma's 
presense perfectly.
  "I gotta goto the bathroom, I'll be right back," Ranma said, getting 
up and leaving the room. Only the girls were left there. Shinji and 
Carper weren't there. They had gone upstairs because Shinji wanted to 
show Carper something about an antique clock he had found, something 
Carper was fond of collecting.
  "So that's why Ranma's getting so many damn messages! It's his damn 
picture! All those girls are seeing his picture!" Priss said, almost 
sneering, "Those horny bitches!"
  "Hey!!" Lisa said. She immediately wished she hadn't spoken.
  "Why're you getting offended?" Priss asked.
  Lisa sighed, "Because I was one of the girls that emailed him...."
  "You too?!" Priss' eyes widened. She quickly realized her mistake. But 
it was too late.
  "You emailed him?!" Nene said, eyes wide. "You're such a hypocrit!"
  "Did you?" Sylia asked, eyes narrowing.
  "Um, er...." Nene studdered.
  "You did!!" Priss nearly shouted.
  "All right, I admit, I emailed him," Linna said, "But I had a good 
reason,"
  "And what reason might that be?" Priss asked wryly.
  "Um, Asuka and Rei would hafta leave the room if I were to tell you," 
Linna gave a weak laugh.
  "You pervert!" Asuka said, "I know exactly what you're talking about. 
You were hoping to have cyber sex with him!"
  All the girls turned toward Asuka, eyeing her curiously.
  "No I wasn't," Linna said, matter of factly, "I just wanted to have 
some kinda intimate conversation with him. Hey, Asuka, you're the one 
that's perverted here. You're the one thinking about cybersex!"
  Asuka blushed beet red, "I did not! I only assumed!"
  "Yeah, but you're the one with the perverted mind to assume this," 
Priss smirked.
  "Okay," Sylia said, "Who here did NOT email him under a different 
username?"
  No body raised their hands.
  Priss pointed at Rei, who had been silent the whole time, "You emailed 
Ranma also?"
  Rei blushed slightly, "Um, yes,"
  "Which one's are the username we all went under?" Sylia asked, 
pointing to the screen "This one's mine, and so is this one since this 
is my actually address,"
  The girls all pointed toward the screen.
  "Whatcha pointing at the screen for?" Ranma asked, coming toward the 
desk. 
  All the girls gave a start.
  Priss smirked, "Oh, we were just talking about what addresses you 
should ignore," She pointed toward several addresses, all the addresses 
that had been pointed out expect for her own, "These addresses you 
should ignore,"
  "No!!" Lisa said, pointing at her pseudoaddress, "You shouldn't avoid 
this address!" She pointed toward Priss' address and said, "You should 
definite ignore this address especially!"
  "I don't think so!" Priss said.
  "You shouldn't ignore this address either, she seems like a cool 
person," Linna said, pointing at her pseudo address, "You should email 
this person. Ignore all the other addresses,"
  "No! I don't think so! The person who wrote that message seemed like a 
wacko!" Lisa said, smirking, "I betcha that message if from a man 
pretending he is a woman!"
  "Is not!" Linna nearly shouted, "I betcha this address is though," She 
pointed at Lisa's pseudo address. She then pointed at Priss' and said, 
"And I betcha this address belongss to a man! Well, perhaps not a man, 
but more like some butch!"
  "What?!" Priss' eyes widened, "You wanna die?!"
  "Why're ya getting upset?" Ranma asked Priss.
  Priss blushed as she gritted her teeth. She quickly said, "Hey, you 
know what? I think I recognize this address," She pointed at Lisa's 
address, grinning, "I think I met 'him' before. As you can tell, the 
address has 'samantha' for the username. Well, his name's actually Sam 
Antha. He didn't realize he should had put a space between his first and 
last name until it was too late,"
  "No! No! I don't think so! You must have the wrong address," Lisa 
retorted, "I remember...um....talking to your friend, he goes under a 
different username now, so that's definitely not him!"
  Priss glared at Lisa as Lisa glared right back. A moment later, Lisa 
stuck her tongue out, teasing Priss to physically retaliate, knowing she 
would not, not with Ranma around.
  "Ranma," Asuka said, jumping onto the bandwagon, "You should just 
email this address," She pointed at her own pseudo address.
  "No! Don't!" Nene said, "It probably belongs to a perverted school 
girl that just wants to have cyber sex with you!"
  "Does not!!!" Asuka shouted, "She would never even consider such a 
thing!!! She's nothing like all these pathetic losers" She waved a hand 
at the other addresses, especially Nene's.
  "She's probably a nice girl that would like to talk to you," Rei said 
softly, pointing at her own pseudo address.
  "Don't think that," Linna said, smirking, "She's probably some young 
girl that can't even afford a job because she's still busy going to high 
school. Why in the world would you talk to some high school girl when 
you can talk to some gorgeous successful woman like this" She pointed at 
her own address.
  "Actually, I betcha she isn't as successful as this woman," Sylia 
smirked, pointing at her address.
  "Yeah, but that's because she probably inherited all her success while 
she earned it," Linna said, grinning at Sylia. "And I betcha because 
this woman is successful, she also has the time to keep in shape, so 
must have a very beautiful body,"
  "Man, this is confusing me, which ones should I ignore?" Ranma asked 
again.
  "Ignore all other address but this one!" ever girl said, pointing 
toward their own address.
  Ranma shrugged his shoulders, "All right, I'll reply to the addresses 
you've pointed to. Hm, what should I say to 'em?"
  "Just reply," Sylia said.
  "Send 'em a naked picture of yourself," Priss dared to ask.
  "I should?" Ranma asked, thinking about it.
  "Yes!!!!" All girls shouted all of a sudden.
  Asuka's nose started bleeding all of a sudden.
  "Asuka, you okay?" Ranma asked, concerned.
  "I-I'm fine," Asuka said, "I-I don't know why it started all of a 
sudden,"
  "I betcha I know," Nene commented with a giggle.
  "Pinch the bridge of your nose and look up," Ranma said.
  Asuka did as she was told, "Geez, stuff like this is supposed to 
happen to Shinji," she commented.
  "You know what you got a nose bleed all of a sudden?" Sylia asked with 
a mischievious smirk.
  "No! I don't think so!" Asuka answered, getting a bit angry.
  "Anyway, are you sure I should send 'em a naked picture? I mean, I 
don't even know them," Ranma said, turning back to the computer.
  "If you want to," Sylia said, hoping reverse psychology would work on 
him, "Of course, you don't have to if you don't want to,"
  "I don't really see any harm in doing so," Ranma commented. He 
wondered a bit longer if he should. Sure, he had nothing to be 
embarrassed about, but then again, he didn't even know these people. But 
then again, most of the people had sent him pictures of them so he 
should send something back, right?
  "Just don't send it to these two addresses," Nene said, grinning, 
"They're too young to get something like that,"
  "Are not!" Asuka nearly shouted. 
  She had to look back up again.