Are you comfortable with your relationship to be comfortable?
When in a relationship do you think it's all right to start getting really comfortable? You know what I mean, guys...taking a dump with the door open and farting and picking your nose in front of your girl.
Think about it, when is it all right to take a dump in front of your girl? Really. How do you know you're that comfortable in your relationship that you can start taking a shit with the door open where your girlfriend can hear and see you taking a dump? That's a question I'm constantly wondering about.
And why do they call it 'taking a dump'? That doesn't make sense. Of all things, it should be considered 'leaving a dump'. Also, let it be known that I'm just talking about a guy-girl relationship. This rant could be applied for all other relationships as well, be it guy-guy, or girl-girl relationships. I'm just referring to a guy-girl relationship since simply for ease of understanding.
Anyway, on to being comfortable enough to doing things in front of your girl...
"Ew, that's gross, I'll never take a dump in front my girlfriend" you say? Well, good for you. You're living in a relationship that lacks liberation. What, you're going to go on living with this woman who you might eventually marry and have children with, but will never go so far as to let her see you take a shit? This same woman that has seen you naked and FLACID? Guys, that means alot, especially when we sometimes try to give ourselves an 'in-betweener' for when we use the public restroom. You know what an 'in-betweener' is. It's when you try to give yourself a semi-hardon, in case some stranger decides to see what kinda package you have while you both take a piss and you not wanting to seem a bit on the lacking side. It's much like for when you take a physical and you know a doctor is going to be checking your balls. Man, where was I? Oh yeah, when to be comfortable about taking a dump in front of your girl...
What happens if she needs something in the bathroom while you're taking a dump? Are you going to tell her to wait and quickly finish up your business so she can get into the bathroom? Taking a shit is a natural process. You can't rush shit like that. Heh, I made a pun. You need to take your time with something like that. Heck, why else are you bringing those magazines into the bathroom with you anyway? It's because you know it's going to take a while and you need reading material to keep you from getting bored.
Man, dontcha hate not having anything to read in the bathroom? You try to find ANYTHING to read. That's probably why you know that the back of your driver's license gives you the option of donating your organs in the case of death....because you took a shit in a public restroom and needed something to read so you read the contents of your wallet, even the back of your driver's license.
When is it all right in a relationship to outright fart in front of a girl? You KNOW sooner or later you're going to hafta cross that threshold. A fart can come from anywhere. You could be laughing at a joke she said and accidentally let one rip. It's that easy. Maybe it's not that easy for a girl to make a guy really laugh. Women tell stupid jokes, the ones that aren't funny to us guys, the ones that aren't racist or offensive. Guys usually laugh at women's jokes simply for brownie-points toward getting laid.
Anyway, it's not like you can keep your farting secret from your girl forever. You hafta fart, just like how you hafta take a dump. How liberating do you think it would feel to be able to fart in front of your girlfriend without having to worry that she will be utterly disgusted with you?
The best thing to do is to fart right away in front of a girl, on your first date. If she is disgusted by it, then it was never meant to be. It'll save you a lot of trouble and money since she'll be outta your life sooner than later. Afterall, it's INEVITABLE that you WILL fart in front of her eventually. It's better sooner than later.
Besides farting and taking a dump, what about picking your nose? You DO pick your nose. When is it a proper time for you to pick your nose in front of your girl? And not that bullshit nose-picking where you pick your nose as if you're scratching the inside of your nose with a finger and the finger accidentally slipped inside your nostrils. I mean picking your nose as if you're digging for gold, like when you pick your nose in the shower and get those really nasty boogers. Man, some of the stuff is so nasty you can't help but admire it like a good shit. C'mon, it's true, why else do you think guys sometimes feel the need to point out to a friend how large a shit they took from time to time?
"Hey, check this out! The shit I took looks like it weighs at least a pound"
How does one cross such a threshold? Once you cross it, you can never go back. Who knows how the hell she would react to something like that? If she reacts unfavorably, there's really nothing much you can do about it. It's not like you can tell her to forget that ever happened. A woman never forgets, afterall. Also, it's not like you can ask her in advance if you can do so to get a general idea of how she would react either. That's because it would be awkward for her if you did ask.
"Is it okay if I take a shit in front of you?", "Can I pick my nose in front of you?", "Can I fart in front of you?". Those are awkward questions. If I was a girl and some guy asked me that, I'm pretty sure I'd say it was all right but I'd be seriously weirded out. Afterall, guys, we all know girls do do stuff like that but we secretly believe OUR girl is the only one that doesn't do such 'nasty things'.
Man, there should be a perfect time to cross that threshold for taking a shit, like at around 1 year into the relationship. Think about it, dontcha hate keeping the door closed while taking a shit? That's why bathrooms stinks so much, because it's not being aired out like it's supposed to.
I think it's liberating to be able to fart and shit in front of your girl. Think about it for farting. You're in bed with your girl and you get the urge to fart. Instead of having to excuse yourself or just tightening it up to let the fart silently creep outta your body, you can fart the fun way....by farting as loudly as you can and quickly bring the bedcovers up and over the two of you so you could see the funny reaction your girl would give you after she realizes how nasty you could produce a smell from you body. That's awesome!
For taking a shit, it'd be very convenient. Think about it, what if you need to take a shit and your girl is taking a shower? You can just go right into the bathroom and take a shit while she showers. Heck, you can even chat while you're both in their doing your respective tasks. It sure beats reading the same damn magazine in there you read every time you take a shit anyway. Heck, imagine if you take a perfect shit. Not only did you enjoy a conversation with your girl while on the toilet, but you get to enjoy the fact that you don't even hafta wipe your ass afterwards. Fuck, even better. Imagine you have a camcorder. You can flush the toilet and record your girl quickly jumping out of the shower when there's no hot water. Afterall, that's the first things we guys would do when we get a camcorder, record our girl's reaction to us flushing the toilet while she showers. That'd be awesome. You enjoy a conversation, take a perfect shit, and record your girl's reaction to your flushing the toilet while she's in the shower. That's triple your pleasure!!!
The only thing better than that would probably be finding out that someone actually created the ultimate snack, Beef Jerky wrapped in KFC Chicken Skin